Ever so once in awhile, bad things that happen becomes my liquor of silence: a pool for me to drown my sorrows in, until I lose all ability to articulate what I feel, what I think, what I want. and lose all ability to speak. Crying mutely in some small ball inside, living my life indifferently on the outside.
The world isn't about me after all. There is a bigger picture, much greater things to come. I smile as a way of showing, I don't want to fight, I want peace amidst the chaos. Old lyrics from a song. Sometimes it is that leaden heaviness that prevents the pain from seeping in.

But inside my head, I cry as I walk myself out to sea in a give-all embrace. In the end I'm either damming everything inside or preventing it all from coming inside. The only way may be to surrender to the forces of gravity and time and God and let myself be washed away till even the grains of sand on the shore forget I ever stood there.